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weird day in many regards.

after getting up early (not as early @pcmcreative but still) and biking to Nottingham station I bought a single ticket at £11 as it appears you cannot get a return onboard that you can use the next day - i'm sure you can in the station.

back in burton I biked the four ish miles home to swad from the station, organised a bunch of stuff and sat in the job centre with an iPod low charge and my mifi - previous to this I sat in the pub having a quick morning coffee and getting my 20% off for being foursquare mayor again!

As always the job centre was bleak and I wondered how i was going to stretch out my remaining £24 seeing as I needed to get a single the next day back to notts, hard life this six months in - really not planning for another lame december, had two of them in a row in recent years.

electric meter showing £13.47 over it meant I would have to put at least £20 in to get it back on, even then I never had my iPod charger on me to rejuice what has become my main media device (I'm typing this while Ella sleeps)

Ella got dropped off at five and I told sam the situation about the electric, we worked out the power issue between us and she lent me her iPhone charger. I can just leave in ellas nursery bag when I drop her in the morning - great plan!

We grabbed a medium fruit bowl from the new sainsburys in swad (biggest now in Derbyshire) and headed to the till when ella got all excited and red faced - she's got quite the crush on a boy called sam. awww.

we walked home, did the electric thing charged the iPod, went to the pub on the corner together (thought seeing as I have been here three years and was leaving soon I'd try it out) and had a pint and a fruit juice then home for snuggles and bed for around 8pm.

Candles flicker to my right side, electric storage heating is on and my princess is wrapped up - she liked the stories this evening.

I'll miss this initial phase of raising ella here but I know it's on to bigger and better things in terms of location - I gotta be where the connectivity and connections are!

time for sleep soon.. . Sent from my iPod

i'm a bit snowed up at the moment so sorry that my usual blogging has taken a hit but i assure you i'm on the case with it. still have the blog posts in my evernote and i'm building up to recording audiogravity and thegravity (videoseries) again. i'm just a bit sidetracked with the following. .

- uploading the back catalog of buddhistpodcast in bittorrent format
- working on the social distribution of updates for mygocard
- writing out scripts for the videos for mygocard
- firefighting my eviction notice
- organizing transport
- waiting for my dsl router to arrive and go online
- trying to get some kind of homeshare going
- connecting with the ymca in nottingham about digital projects
- waiting for us to be moved into the basement at lacemarket
- planning to get content together for an ipad application
- trying to record screencasts in between the madness
- planning to get car on road
- trying to come up with a plan for the house in general
- meeting and networking with a bunch of creatives
- getting to a variety of events across nottingham
- redesigning a clients website
- trying to sell my digital slr
- wanting to replace my iphone but not enough funds
- planning for the introduction of the deathstar

plus a whole bunch more. .. i'll be back when the dust settles.
until then i've gotta crack on! :)

i waited and waited, i really did - but i'm really not very happy with my homelife. every few days i return to this empty shell of a house that used to have life passing through and find myself fighting against the four walls of memories before.

i find myself this weekend in the process of putting the contents of everything i want to get rid of that i cannot throw away, selling it on gumtree. all this stuff is weighing me down - i need to be flexible to adapt and shift and move where the connectivity allows me to be more present in the digital role that i want. i want the house itself to be a minimal shell. a bed, a cupboard, a sofa and a kitchen table to eat breakfast at.

i really need to get my transport back on the road too. then things like doing cloth washing should be a breeze - washing stuff in the bath is not cutting it. bit by bit i'm moving my life to be more mobile.

for the past six months i have been battling with the idea that things might get better on the money front or a job might come my way. sitting here tonight at 9:33pm on a friday evening at my very nice family farm house table the very core of my dilemmas surround me. stuff. all stuff i have no requirement for.

i'm burdened down with stuff. i have a house that i'm having an MI12 pay the mortgage for and currently i'm eating only pasta and pesto and the latter i'm running out of. the milk went a few hours ago - it's black coffee or tea, actually the coffee just went.

i'm not really bitter about my situation but i am frustrated. in my quest for a new eco lifestyle these harse lessons of less are incredibly useful. i motor on in the week with my railcard over to nottingham and formulate in my random way how things should pan out. lots of ideas formed and stored in evernote with me rolling them out, seemingly randomly to my blog, but also for others to see my headspace. the blog has been doing pretty well actually i'll hit 100k soon and it will feel like an achievement - at least to me.

i'm putting a lot of time into content creation, i miss my iphone dearly in that it allowed me to do a lot less typing and maintain being present. the biking is going well too and i'm enjoying that side of my life. mental fitness, engagement have always been things i have sought out in my life - i just need to take it to the next level.

but i digress. the house is a real strain on my mental wellbeing. i have a wall in the loft that needs skimming, i have no money for that skimming. i have bills that i cannot pay for things to do with the house and everyday another thing stares me in the face. my bed sheets need cleaning but i have no money for laundrette - financially i'm in terrible shape. i literally have no money from week to week and the little i do makes me actually want to go work in a warehouse to actually increase my quality of living.

i feel like these life lessons come for a reason. i'm just a bit fed up with them now after six months. i'm guessing a lot of people are in the same boat. you get that feeling from the faces tormented on the train - dragging their bodies around like lifeless work drones. i feel for people, i like to give hope and transfer endurance. it's the one thing i do best.

the house was bought as a family base, having ella over every so often in the week is fine and i love having her with me but i do feel so very worthless when i cannot take her to the shop or buy her lunch and have to resort to basic foods - i know she only needs love but it still grates on you as a parent, this was not the life i had planned for her.

I still have plenty of time to make things right on this score thou - that's what i have firmly in my head on a daily basis. this was not the planned family unit that i had seen for ourselves and my daughter.

i can either wallow in that reaction or forge on and make life better whatever way i can. therefore the house, the stuff - it has to go. like i said at the start of this blog i'm busily over the course of the weekend putting everything i own pretty much on gumtree - i want to get all the stuff of mine that can be sold - out. i have ideas for the studio, living and work over in nottingham.

the town i live in swadlincote has nothing for me now, not that it did before - i moved here so that sam could be nearer to work and we would have a roof over ellas head.

hindsight eh. so, gonna be head down working on this for the next few days until the 3g dongle data runs out, then i'm not sure what i'm going do actually. probably sleep a lot. chanting is helping me focus and actually eating minimal foods and making thing stretch has been a real eye opener. i really enjoyed these burger shaped split red lentil fritter things i made yesterday. when you need to make something happen from nothing you can - we forget so easily that even with minimal resources we can still adapt.

Sent from my iPhone